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I found that I would tend to try and control the relationship.Another thing happened. I found that I really enjoyed a no stringsattached causal relationship. There were times I was dating 2 or morewomen at one time.From what I learned about women from my family, friends and living asFrieda, allowed me to tell women exactly what they wanted to hear. Ifound that it was very easy to get them into bed and think that I wasdoing them a favor by sleeping with them.Mother wasn't happy at all, about the way I turned out. Not only did Istay a man, I didn't have the decency to be submissive like all men weresupposed to be. I must admit there were many times, when I was with awoman, that I could hear Mother telling me that I needed to respectwomen.I decided that I wanted to go into teaching. I always enjoyed workingwith children. Plus, I would get the summers off and I looked at it asanother way to meet women. Eventually, I transferred to UCLA, which wasabout 400 miles away.For the first time in. One so unspeakable that he would not repeat its name. He had allowed his mind to entertain impure thoughts and by obtaining physical pleasure through those thoughts he had abused God’s gift, sinned against his body in the worst possible way. He said that his soul was worthy of hell, but that God would show mercy upon him because he had come forth with a contrite spirit and acknowledged the wrongfulness of his ways. “Five Our Fathers and ten Hail Marys,” he said in conclusion. How his heart had raced with fear as he knelt there, not yet a man and already branded a sinner. He had been absolved but the message was burned upon his consciousness. He could not remember much else about that day. He did not touch himself again, but the harder he tried not to think about her in that way the more relentlessly the thoughts came to him. He prayed to the rosary every night and focused all his energy upon suppressing the wicked images in his mind. Each time he felt tempted he forced himself to.
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